Riding this ride just for the sake of riding. Really I just want to be left alone, but there’s no place I call home.
O.K. all humans get in weird funks from time to time right? No real reason to justify feeling like falling off the earth. For some reason I feel like there must be a reason. It isn’t like me to let a black hole in my heart hold any weight with how I interact with others. Not knowing your heart can be a most frustrating thing. Thank God for music…
“Yeah, watch how low I get
Yeah, get much lower yet
No depths where I won’t go
Thank god I’m built so low”
When I get this reegremotional turmoil inside me, I want to run. Run, run, run. Run away, but run to, and run from, but not run with someone. I want to be alone with my loneliness. I want to be only. Only me, not lonely me. It’s hard for me to tell someone I need them. Really to get better that is what I need to do. Feel okay with leaning on them. What hurts is when I say I need help expressing my concern, and they brush it off and tell me, “You’re o.k.”. I’M NOT O.K.?! I’m sad, and feeling lost, unmotivated, fed up, tired. I want you to listen to me and help me feel myself again… You don’t just wave a magic wand and tell someone they’re o.k. and expect them to be alright. Stop.
This is why I bake…
As an artist, I like to express my emotions through actions and creations. From drawing to cooking, I feel I can’t express myself adequately. So I just bake cookies because they make great emotional band aids…
Sweet Potato Cookies
- •1 sweet potato
- ½ cup sugar
- ½ cup stevia baking sugar (it’s a 1:1 ratio to sugar, or just use regular sugar)
- ½ cup light butter
- ½ cup coconut oil (or just do 1 cup total of butter)
- 1 egg
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 2 cup flour
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1 tsp pumpkin pie spice or cinnamon
- ¾ tsp allspice
- ½ tsp salt
- ¾ cup craisins
- optional, I used 1 TBS black wall nut crumbs, or ¾ cup of any nut would be good. Black walnut is a very strong flavor
- Cream butter, coconut oil, and sugar. Beat in egg, cool mashed sweet potato, and vanilla. Add dry ingredients in a seperate bowl and mix it up. gradually add this to the butter mixture. Don’t over mix. Add the nuts and craisins (I folded it in).
- Put spoonfuls on a cookie sheet (1 inch space). Bake at 375 for 11 minutes. They will brown slightly.