Say, helping me move ~1,000 miles away from home while I was sick, staying in a sleazy motel, buying my groceries, doing my laundry, rubbing my back. What does that make us?
Yes you are my mate nonetheless, you are my boyfriend. A friend first and foremost who I happen to enjoy particularly well. Don’t get yourself confused with being a boyfriend though. I’ve had boyfriends, and they were always a boy first. At some point as of recent, you became something more than all of the above. You became reality.
When I was a little girl, I always said no one would ever love me or want to be with me forever. I was so scared of being alone, so when a boy would pay attention to me, I felt like I was worth something. Worth does not come from physical touch or dates. It comes from showing sincere love. It comes from truly making yourself equal with someone. To find someone who not just makes you feel loved, but makes you feel worthy, you begin to etch as a permanent part of yourself.
I recently had a job opportunity that required me to move to Texas from Indiana. To no surprise, my wonderful SO, Jake, readily began planning to help me drive down and get settled. I came down with a horrible viral flu the day before I was due to leave. On top of preparing for the trip to leave, I had several phone interviews lined up to take place during the trip down to Texas. Honestly, I felt overwhelmed for I had not the energy to do everything I needed. Jake made up for every part of me that was missing. When I needed help with dishes, or going to the store, he was there. My family dog Ringo passed away Christmas Eve, 2 weeks before I was due to leave. (This is the dog on my blogs banner). Jake was there to help during the process of putting him down. He was there to make me feel as at peace as possible through and through.
After I got moved into my new apartment and had the weekend with Jake, he left to fly back home. It was on a Monday, my first day of a new job. My last physical touch with him was a hug and a kiss in front of the apartments. That was only a week ago. It feels as though that was an eternity ago. I realized this while cleaning my apartment. In this realization that it was only such a short time ago, it made me realize how much his worth is really worth to me. I never have questioned my love for him or wondered if we are good together. It’s just like coffee. How much is coffee worth to you in the morning? In the morning coffee is equivalent to the need for the next breath of oxygen for many of us. Just because the worth of coffee is high in the morning, does not mean we go all day worshiping the thought of coffee. That is because we know it will be there again in the morning, black and steaming hot.
As I was organizing my laundry, I realized the one thing my homey apartment was missing. My person. This is more than just the heart growing fonder. This is realizing the value of one and understanding how rich I am because of him. How wonderful indeed. In fact this is me just understanding what this sort of love means. It is the stepping stones to an ultimate devotion. He gives me time and I will find my way back to him, putting us near to the tie that binds.
A poem to my world, the one who makes me feel as wonderful as the stars with universe as her audience.
Thank you Jake