You had everything a girl could ever want…
You’re real cool, money, good looks… we were a real head turner together. People looked up to a relationship like ours..
But you just aren’t beautiful to me.
Engineering, I think we should take our own paths.
I am upon my last semester in college. I am studying Mechatronics Engineering. It has been a lot like a blind date really. I went in knowing nothing at all, and the more I learned, the less I liked. Sure, there is always some reason we pursue a person or thing. My reason was success. I wanted that career, and people to say, “I wish I was that smart”. If my paycheck was due to what my brain was capable of, people would surely respect me. I also thought that my love of creating things and working to see an end product would pair nicely with my love for math and science.
Those things have clashed very hard for me. I love everything space, and my dream was to work for NASA in mission planning and eventually ground control or even an astronaut. I studied hours for the GRE so I could go to the Grad School of my dreams. I have lost something of myself in all of this, and I am not sure why it left or where it is at. I do know that I am capable of ANYTHING I set my mind to, being an astronaut even as one thing. At this point in my life though, I have concluded that my mind isn’t set to this path at all. That I find more joy in creating and making beauty. From Feeling, to Seeing, to Tasting and even Hearing… I have an obsession with our human senses. I want to heighten all of them. The human sense is what I want to be in awe, not just a man or woman in awe of my profession.
I love making works of art. My latest project has been a wooden maple table. I have put hours into making it feel simply pleasing. I sanded and sanded and sanded til it felt like glass. I am also a painter. When the eyes see something that just flows so naturally, it imparts a feeling of peace I believe. That is the goal of all my paintings, and I never stop until that is achieved. I have always loved baking, it is a dear passion of mine. I believe that this is probably my fathers favorite art form I create. But recently I have taken up cake decorating. I am mixing my passion for making something that Taste like heaven and also embarks the Feeling of peace when looking at it. Finally, I have a love for guitar playing. Classical guitar is my choice of sound. When I play it just right, it sounds like something prettier than what my rugged human hands could do.
Engineering, you have taught me a lot. I love using my brain in a scientific manner, and I have been gifted the opportunity to observe how strong it is. Engineering, you helped me travel the world… Europe, Texas, and California in the Mojave Desert. But Engineering, you have simply shown me where my heart is complete. It is not with you, but with creating things of beauty. I love rockets and satellites and all things aero… But those never were about creating so much as they are about making a rich persons dream come true. Sure people with money can lead innovative ideas for us and we work to make it true… But I need creation of things that are mine and things that my heart works on, not just my hands and my brain. I will always be proud to say I worked on the Stratolaunch project. I will always feel some of my deepest since of pride regarding that job. I am having to take care of me.
Today I am saying that I am the art of creating and I am a creator or art. ♥